Wives Submitting to Husbands – this strikes a nerve in many!

7 Jun

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It seems as though lately, I am hearing lots of buzz in the Christian community about the verse in the Bible that mentions wives submitting to their husbands.  I will admit that right off, I don’t much like the sound of that verse either – just being honest! 🙂

But what I have to remind myself is that in the same passage, the Bible tells husbands to love their wives.  This set-up is meant to bring peace and unity in a marriage.

It’s not about the wife being a doormat with no opinion whatsoever.  And it’s not about the husband being a dictator who doesn’t respect his wife’s intelligence.

The idea of a man loving his wife and a woman submitting go hand in hand.  While my marriage has not always been perfect, (every marriage has struggles from time to time,) I have seen how this principle can work when put to use, (but I’ll admit that it’s not always easy.)

But the reason that it works is because my husband shows me love and affection.  He does his best to speak gently and kindly to the children and I.  He works hard, stands behind me in my endeavors, and respects my intelligence and opinions, (even if they may be different from his.)  And when a decision has to be made, we talk about it, and if we don’t agree, then I will do my best to wait until we have come to an agreement to act.  And the reason that I do this is because I want to respect and honor my husband, (which is easy to do when a man treasures you and treats you like his Queen, as a godly husband should.) 🙂

An everyday example of this concept involves how my husband likes to wait to make a decision.  He wants to think about it for a few days, weigh all of his options, and then make a decision a week later.  I want to discuss the pros and cons, make the decision after some prayer and Bible reading, and then take action.  So imagine my frustration when my husband needs a week to “process” what I feel I’ve figured out in three hours!lol…

This is where submission comes in.  Out of respect and love for my husband, I will wait on him.  I will wait for his OK.  I will wait until we are in agreement.  Of course if he waits three months this wouldn’t be fair – and of course when both parties are seeking to compromise and look out for the other, this helps to minimize any “power struggles.”  🙂  But I do have to be willing to compromise and bend some.

This is how the idea of submission has worked in my marriage, but I can also see the other side.  Many women have been hurt and abused by men.  For them, the idea of “submission” to a husband brings a negative taste to their mouth and reminds them of control and possibly abuse.  But a godly man does not desire to control his wife or family – he desires to lead them and to be a godly role model to his wife and kids.  It’s not about manipulation or the man towering over anyone else.  And it’s not about the woman being weak-willed and unable to think logically.

Biblical submission goes hand in hand with a husbands love.  When my husband is loving me right, treating me and the kids with kindness, and giving me back rubs at night, then guess what?  I really don’t mind submitting.  We live in a society that has in many cases made men out to be stupid, inept, and unable to be the head of the household.  In a Christ-centered marriage, this should not be the case.  Women should love and respect their husbands, and admire and affirm them, (and hopefully husbands are in the same way loving their wives.)  As women, our support will cause our men to be confident at work, in life, and in general!  A man who has a supportive, godly wife will rise to the occasion and succeed.  Like the phrase goes, “behind every good man is a good woman.”  I was tempted to say a “better” woman, but I didn’t.  🙂  That is still the part of me that needs to be worked on.  🙂

I urge you today to rethink some of the negative ideas that you’ve had about this concept.  I have had negative ideas too for most of my life because I mistakenly thought that this meant that men could control women.  But I have recently come to learn that loving and submitting is the best dance that you can do in a marriage.  It brings peace, love and happiness to a home.

Be blessed!

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6 Responses to “Wives Submitting to Husbands – this strikes a nerve in many!”

  1. heather June 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm #

    LOVE this blog entry! You are so right. There is so much misconception about this! I tell people, that yes women are to submit to their husbands and their husbands are to be Godly men that submit to or follow God, so really we are just submitting to God and what’s wrong with that 🙂 As long as your husband is following the lord “submission” isn’t a problem.

    • lholmes79 June 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm #

      Thanks Heather! It has taken me 27 years to learn this, but I think I’m finally getting it! 🙂 You’re right – when the husbands love, submitting and compromosing is easy, because they are loving and compromising right back. Give and take. Be blessed! 🙂

  2. Jessa June 7, 2012 at 9:03 pm #

    Submission is like a curse word to some! I had some similar thoughts on my post http://herejessa.blogspot.com/2012/05/8-years-and-6-days.html and was glad to read yours. Have you read Dancing with the One You Love by Cindy Easley? I hadn’t yet but heard that it is an important read.

    • lholmes79 June 7, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

      Oh I would love to see what you wrote about it! What a difficult but fascinating topic to tackle! 🙂

  3. Jaimie Ramsey June 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

    This is so good and so true!! I read your post because I just wrote one about submission last week…and you’re right, it struck a nerve. I’ve never had such a discussion in the comments on one of my blog posts before! It’s such an important thing to talk about, but touchy, because of the misconceptions a lot of people have about submission and the negative connotations that often come with the word. Thank you for writing this! (And if you’re interested, this is the post I wrote: http://jaimie-livinginthelight.blogspot.com/2012/06/wise-woman-submits-to-her-husband.html )

    • lholmes79 June 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

      Thanks for taking the time to read it! 🙂 It is a very difficult topic to discuss, but much needed. I’m heading over to your page now to read yours. Be blessed!

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