What if my kids date someone I don’t like?

31 Aug

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Despite the fact that my kiddies are just babies, I’m still thinking about when they are old enough to “date.”Β  Ahhh!! πŸ™‚

I recently saw a Dr. Drew special that suggested that by trashing a daughter’s boyfriend, we are actually pushing her towards him – by disapproving, we are giving them fuel to fight for their love.

Hmm…I agree and disagree.

Yes, I’ve seen this technique work with friends and family.Β  By avoiding judgment and instead asking questions, they often realize on their own that their relationship is not good.Β  But on the other hand, there is something to be said for being honest and guiding our children in the right direction.

When my kids are teens, I’ll probably say exactly what my parents said:Β  “Does he love the Lord?”Β  “What is his relationship with God like?”Β  My mom would tell me to watch how he treated his mom and sister, because that is how he would treat me.Β  My dad would tell me that so long as he loved me, could support me, and loved God, that his race didn’t matter. πŸ™‚

I hate to think of my own kids actually wanting to date.Β  My parents kept me so busy that I didn’t have much time for dating in high school – I’ll probably try and do the same with my kids.Β  πŸ™‚ When they are teens, they will be faced with so much peer pressure.Β  That is why I must teach them, pray with them, love them and guide them during these precious years of their childhood.

Blessings! πŸ™‚

The book is due out in the Fall of 2012. :)

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8 Responses to “What if my kids date someone I don’t like?”

  1. optimisticgladness August 31, 2012 at 8:53 pm #

    Nice job! Well written.

    • lholmes79 August 31, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

      Thanks and blessings! πŸ™‚

  2. DefiningMotherhood August 31, 2012 at 9:31 pm #

    I enjoyed your post, but have to say that I look forward to teaching my kids how to date. I see it as a skill that takes teaching. And, like most life skills I hope they get practice making little mistakes young rather than bigger mistakes when they are older. I think dating is a great learning tool. I tried to capture my thoughts here: http://definingmotherhood.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/date/

    • lholmes79 August 31, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

      Thanks – can’t wait to check it out! πŸ™‚ I am looking forward to teaching them too, but it kind of makes me sad b/c I feel like they are my “babies,” so it’s hard to think about!lol…can’t wait to read your post. Blessings! πŸ™‚

  3. yesletsperformanceacademy August 31, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    In the end we are all on our own journey. However, the journey is not as important as having the tools to deal with the journey!

    I believe asking your child what do you like or love about your girlfriend or boyfriend is very important. This needs to be asked with a sincere interest in seeing what your child see’s. When people are asked this, sometimes they can’t think of any reasons and sometimes this leads them to realize that the positives are not out weighing the negatives in the relationship. Some people will give you a list of reasons that you would have never thought off because you were focusing on your perceived negative impact the relationship was having on the person, instead of the positivity the person is experiencing from the relationship.

    Even if you still believe their girlfriend or boyfriend is causing more heart ache then happiness, your child needs to talk to someone that won’t judge them or their crush/love. Don’t judge them. Don’t try to manipulate them, Love them and be someone they can be comfortable with no matter what is going on in their lives. Always be one of the people that love them without judgement and unconditionally.

    • lholmes79 August 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

      Awesome!! Yes, I want my kids to be able to tell me everything without fear of judgment, even when they are teens. Thanks for your wise words. Blessings. πŸ™‚

  4. Crystal Green September 18, 2012 at 10:44 am #

    I have to agree with your post. My mom literally forbidded me to see my husband, but I snuck and saw him behind her back for six years. Of course, our bond is unbreakable now thanks to her doing that to us. However, it also added a LOT and I mean A LOT of pain and heartache into our relationship that will NEVER go away.
    I personally feel parents need to trust in the way they raised their kids and trust them to make dating decisions that are best for themselves. (That’s NOT to say that if they were dating someone who could/is potentially harming them that I wouldn’t step in, but I would do it in a manner in which they could see the harm that they are putting themselves in.)

    • lholmes79 September 26, 2012 at 10:02 am #

      Wow Crystal, those are all good points! Thanks for commenting. πŸ™‚

I would love to hear what's on your heart! Please play nice, as comments which are negative or abuse in nature will be removed. This is a place to uplift and encourage, so join in if you'd like! :). Blessings!

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